It was my first day in the choir loft Sunday.
I had made a point over the past few weeks to try and absorb a few of the responses I knew were the same week after week, and as such I could jump into the Kyrie without rehearsing it. Fortunately for a newcomer like myself, even though the propers for the time of year are always the same tune, they have different words, and as such were rehearsed Saturday night.
We also rehearsed a little polyphony, but not enough for me to be able to pick up on it. This afforded me a rather special opportunity during the Offertory.
There I was, standing in the middle of a swirl of earth-shatteringly beautiful voices, male and female, building in harmony for so beautiful a purpose. My eyes wandered down over the railing, where the priest stood, censing the altar. The smoke billowed up in clouds around the crucifix, and immediately I was glad I wasn't singing.
If I had been, I'm pretty sure I would've choked on the note.
Surrounded by beauty and solemnity, simplicity and reverence, I had to fight the urge to weep. I shouldn't be so surprised. After all, it's human nature to be wrong. To be foolish. To forsake true beauty for something less.
But I just don't understand it.
I've been blessed to see the difference between a High and a Low Mass, and it's given me a whole new understanding of the Sacrifice. Mass can be done without music. It can be done without pomp, and circumstance. In truly desperate times, as in the case of Father Maximilian Kolbe, unleavened bread and a bit of wine will suffice. Everything else, everything that Catholics are always so maligned for, the so-called excesses, the Traditions, the necessities, they're all an expression of love.
From the craftsman who fashioned the gilt vessels, to the composers who wrote the sacred music, the priest who turned his back on the world to follow where God led him...it's all done out of love. Out of a deep, unquenchable desire to give God our very best, to surround Him with things worthy of Him. Love and the greatest respect are what have driven generation after generation to pass down the priesthood, the prayers, the sacraments and the physical representations of them.
And in a space of time that amounted to no more than a blink on the pages of history, we were all too willing to give it all up.
I'm liable to go on a ten page tangent if I don't stop now, so I will. I've never been too good with endings.
I'm just at a loss to know why.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
1 comment:
Hello and welcome! This blog deals with many aspects of my daily life, from the sweet and silly to the sad and stressful. And like any blogger, I CRAVE feedback.
There will be times when this blog deals with weighty issues of doctrine and theology. I welcome various differing opinions and believe civil, healthy debate is a good thing. However, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all, as the saying goes, and I will defend the Church if She comes under attack. Thank you for understanding. :-)
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You know there are endless ways to say I love you, and since He created them all, I firmly believe that He desires them all. Yesterday being completely still and quiet, spending a day in solitude with the sisters, walking the labrynth, just giving the day to Him was beautiful, nourishing, and restoring. But that's just one way. I love all kinds of worship, black gospel, southern gospel, hymns, chants, contemporary, eastern, etc... I think of my Messianic Jewish friends and how they celebrate, and how Christians the world over celebrate, showing their love in the language of their culture. I think worship is as individual and universal as we are...and that He wouldn't have it any other way. It's like love in any relationship, some days it's loud and passionate and other days it's gentle and reverant. We don't love each other the same way day in and day out, so why would our love for Him, who is Love, the giver and creator of Love, be any different? The only thing He ever asked was that our love and worship be genuine...in spirit and truth. That it be passionate (poor Laodecians)and not ambivalent, whether that is in quiet contemplation and ritual, or in dancing with joy before Him.
ReplyDeleteAs to the why? I don't know about the history of the Catholic church, but I do know a lot about the church in general. The changing between generations, and the ebb and flow of conviction and dedication. The effect of culture, and society in general. The falling away and coming back. LOL, it's the entire theme of the Old Testament. The Divine Romance of the faithless bride.
But in the end, it's not the church. It's those of us who are members of the church, the body of Christ. Anytime we look at the institution, regardless of denomination, we will get lost. (oh, the parallels, I could make about citizens and government, but that is for another day). He didn't call the church to be true worshippers, He called us as individuals.
So however you love Him, whatever the love language is between the two of you, is the right one. Worship happens in the heart,regardless of your pew :-)