The Fortress

Once in Bavaria a great fortress stood, impenetrable even to great empires. Though the city within was surrounded on all sides, it could not be taken. Its walls could not be breached or broken, its gate would not yield.

Until one fateful day, when the powerful enemies of the city found the one opening in the wall, a defect in the foundation made at the first building of the city, which had worsened through decades of wear and weight and water.

Let's talk one-to-one a moment, girls. We all too often forget when daydreaming about the days when wedding bells will chime and baptismal gowns will be pintucked that marriage and family has a very important purpose, and that our special bond with our children charges us to protect them in a special way. Not to mention that unlike our sisters in the religious life, we are out in the world. And so are our children.


The purpose of marriage. What is it to us? An expression of mere love or attraction? The 'next step' after we've been with a person for a long time and it's started to get boring? An excuse to spend at least six months enacting a reign of terror upon our family and friends so that we can achieve the mythical "My Perfect Day?"

Of course not, you cry! But even among Christians there is contention about what the primary goal or goals of marriage is/are. Some would argue there are two main goals; the good of the spouses, and the procreation of children. But the good of the spouse is a secondary goal. The main goal in marriage is the procreation of, the upbringing of, and the good of children.

When a woman is thinking if she should marry a given man, she must, must, must step back and look past whatever her feelings may be for him. Perhaps he's ruggedly handsome...but he is not steadfast. Perhaps he is learned and well-read and brilliant...but he has no plans for his future, no prospects. Listen, girls. I know firsthand what it does to a child to have a father whose general living strategy is 'hand to mouth.' I cannot even list here the number of different and highly varied occupations my father has held over the years. He's been in his current venture about ten years, and he was claustrophobic after three!

Think, future Mama. Think about the little baby you'll hold in your arms. If you are like me and reject birth control, think of the multiple babies you will almost certainly have. Think of them as they grow. And think of this special bond you have for them, which charges you to protect them in a special way. For their sake, can you justify choosing for them a father who makes his car payments by crossing his fingers at the casino? Or a father who, for reasons other that reasonable difficulties, such as an intolerable boss or an economic downturn, is never satisfied with his career? Or who is even unwilling to choose a career? How can you confidently bring a child into the world when you don't know if, by the time that child is five and you begin to require more money to spend on resources for his upbringing, his father won't suddenly tire of being, say, an accountant, and suddenly decide to pursue a career in law, or management, or even something like underwater basketweaving?

What about a man who refuses to put down roots? Who will, for reasons unrelated to family matters or job transfers, or something else legitimate, insist upon the hardship of a cross-country move with lots of little ones?

Look at him now, girls. If he can't make up his mind now, he needs your prayers, or he probably won't be able to make up his mind in five or ten years, even if he insists he will.

And it's here I need to address a serious subject. After all, wives are subject to their husbands, but like all authority, she is only subject to it so long as it is reasonable. If what the man requires of her is sinful, she is of course loosed from following it. There is an unfortunate movement now that actually tells women that if a man is abusing his children, it is because Satan is testing the WIFE, trying to make her deny her husband's authority, and she must not give in, or even that the children belong more to the man than the wife, and as such she does not have as much of a say.

I can tell you right now that if my future husband, whoever he may be, ever laid a finger on my children to harm them (read: not to administer reasonable corporal punishment), it would be a nice, soapy cast-iron skillet to the skull for him. But on other matters, even, one must take care. Say you're recovering from the birth of your child, you've got a few animals around the house you care for, you have obligations at your Church, whatever. If your husband comes home from work one day having quit his job, contacted a real estate agent, and taken out a loan for an RV, which you and four kids and two dogs, etc, are now expected to move into at the drop of a hat so that you can traverse the country and "find work along the way".......

You may need to get the frying pan out again. The same holds true if your darling beloved comes home from his modest and necessary occupation, which may be a tad bit on the boring side, and has decided he's quitting to take up tightrope-walking. And yes, I'm exaggerating here to make a point. But it is a valid point to make; sometimes, even if you yourself are more than willing to follow your occasionally crazy husband anywhere, even when he decides to reenact Shackleton's Antarctic voyage, you must refuse for the good of your children. Even if your earthly lord just suggests something like the start of a home business, or a move out of town or out of state, you are still entitled to an opinion, and if it seems like something that, at the time, may not be best for your children, you have an obligation, a duty, to speak up!

But as a woman, you do have a duty to speak respectfully, and not angrily or contentiously when you do discuss it. We must be supportive and loving, and we must always believe in our husbands. After all, that out-of-state move, or that home business, might be wonderful for the family someday, perhaps when enough of the children are old enough to help with the littlest ones, or even when most of them have grown up and moved away. But if it is not what is best for our children, whose care and upbringing are a responsibility from God, then it must not be done. Prayer and the seeking of wise counsel will help clear up those grey situations wherein a consensus cannot be reached. If your household is just too close to the issue, trust me, there will be someone you know who can give you sound advice on whether or not an idea is a good one or not.

The world is all around us, ladies. It scratches at our door, it strikes at our heels, and it trickles through the cracks in the walls we place around our precious charges. It is our God-given duty to be brave, to be lionesses, in the face of such assault. And it is our obligation to assure that while under our care and in our homes, our children are as protected as they can possibly be.

To choose a husband who is unfit to be a father, or even one who could use a few years of growth before becoming one, is to shoot your horse in the foot before you even reach the starting line.

A marriage built upon this is like the Bavarian city, with its foundation flawed from the start. No matter how high or thick or strong  or well-guarded the walls of the city were, the breach in the foundation, which had begun as tiny, was enough to doom it. For when that crack became large enough for a small man to slip through, then he could from within open the gates, and the army could march in to lay waste to the fortress and all who dwelt within.

So ask yourself my fellow future wives and mothers, is it worth that risk? What do your future children deserve? And furthermore, and perhaps most sobering of all thoughts,

What does God require of you?